7/7/24
Fake or real? Seemingly an ultimate question testing one’s faith. Doubting, as in a ‘Doubting Thomas,’ appears upon first consideration the very enemy of faith. But not when given a broader perspective. In this case, by analyzing even cursorily, whether a thing is true or not—and more deeply, to examine whether it exists or not—reveals a higher truth. The Buddha, after all, pronounced things to be neither existent nor non-existent even before his famous ‘emptiness’ teachings on Vulture Peak.
Consider the recent failed assassination attempt on the Republican presidential candidate. I consulted a film worker who’s specialty for many decades was helping to create just such scenes for film narratives, and he offered many reasons to support why the Trump assassination attempt could well have been faked—at least up to a certain point. No doubt the details covering such an alleged theatrical stunt for certain political gain will be promoted countless times on the internet. But this kind of questionably ‘thoughtful inquiry’ is not my objective. Whether something exists or doesn’t exist leads to how it exists and, in Buddhism, this introduces the Buddha’s doctrine of Dependent Origination. Which says that when we examine the growth stages of a rice seedling, we see an infinite amount of progressions likened to the infinitely evaluating upswing of a scale’s arm. Also, that the causes and conditions that lead to the seedling’s fruition into a rice kernel, while conventionally necessary, are entirely illusory. At no particular stage can what is being examined be causally substantiated as rice. Nor can any of its conventionally labeled parts and permutations. Causation itself comes into question—which came first, the chicken or egg?—and remains a question in a series of infinite regressions.
So, at a time when so many people might be asking online whether our eyes are lying or not, though perhaps tedious, it’s also a teaching moment (Remember those?) teaching us that even if it wasn’t faked, it was still constructed with illusory causes and conditions, every one of which was entirely necessary for the grand illusion to turn out just as we thought it did. But since none of these causes, conditions, and their attributes, can be substantiated, they’re conventionally real and therefore subject to collective conjecture. That’s exactly what’s happening online; endless conjecture. And it’s this relativizing of reality that’s the reason.
Think what you will—fake or real—about this latest political or simply sociopathic assault upon ‘the former Trump’—as President Biden called him after the event—and realize the truth lie in neither judgement of ‘fake or real.’ Fake or real? Only to the unwise—and perhaps the faithless—is this a burning question.
13/7
‘Oh, Mother India!’ Perhaps I’ve only heard that phrase a time or two, beginning with my first real seeker friends in the 1970s. The ideal mother is perhaps an emanation of Parvati, the Hindu goddess of love, beauty, purity and devotion. But there are multiples of, and variations on, this ideal. In Indian culture, the child reveres five (or even seven) Mātās (mothers): 1) the one that births us; 2) the cow who nourishes us daily with fresh milk; 3) nature, her land and elements that grow the crops feeding us; 4) the native country itself, giving protection, care, love, freedoms, and the opportunity to serve and be respected; 5) the heritage of arts, literature, and wisdom traditions, such as the Vedas and Upanishads or the teachings of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, that, through study, reflection, meditation, and ritual practices, evolve us ever forward toward a perfect Enlightenment.
Let’s face it, ‘Mah!, Mommy,’ or Mum’ is our first mantra, and through repeating it endlessly, the four common siddhis of protection, increase, power, and subjugation, magically arise. If we are blessed with a good mother we want for nothing—especially ethically.
Devising here a metaphysical conceit, there is something like a mirror equipped with a radar screen deep inside our hearts, reflecting these ideal maternal values. It’s a most beneficial monitor. To be unconscious of this extra sensory surveillance, and not heed its warnings, is to allow our grossest nature to prevail. Power brokers, and these mostly heartless old men who run cruel and crushing war machines around the world, are prime examples of people possessed of a motherless nature. And if behind these good men are ‘their better halves’ supporting, or even egging them on, in their egregious self-interested maleficence, then one wonders where their hearts are as well. It remains however that male or male, husband or wife, it’s a mainstay of Mahayana teachings that at one time or another we have all been each other’s mothers, this by virtue of the doctrine of reincarnation within a beginning-less time.
Of course, the nasty twists and knife turnings of shadowed anima and animas figures—in what once used to be called the ‘battle of the sexes’—are well-chronicled in the psychological writings of Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud of that same sexually jaundiced era. Timeless, however, are our mother’s all-providing core values—outlined in the above Indian ethos—relating to her maternal capacity. Especially while we were infants and she waited on us hand and foot, attentive to our every need. In the Buddhist Sutras, the ‘mother’ principle reaches an apex as the Mother Prajnaparamita, who embodies the wisdom of ‘emptiness,’ and she’s symbolized in the tantras often by just the red female element’s fecund messaging propensities which is passed onto to each child at birth, along with the father’s similar seminal karmic conveyance of the white bodhicitta element. Together, the red and white elements—two colors often seen painted on tree trunks when approaching a sacred site in India—are the very method and wisdom that leads lightening-quick to one’s Enlightenment.
Those whose sophistication no longer allows them to properly observe our mothers’ wisdom—its engendering kindness, compassion, love, and equanimity—are, frankly, doomed. Perhaps for those of a callous conscience, the luminous surface of the mother’s mirror, lit by primordial energies and displays of great ferocity, is just too bright and threatening for those of a dark, rationalizing nature. Perhaps as well their ears have tinned and the tremendous inner-clamor for respect due the Mother goes unheard. Even in good people this respect is often insufficiently met as it forces arrogance to flee and vampires to head for their caves as its all-revealing light reveals ample shortcomings. This awakened perspective—the wisdom of primordial discernment, none other than our Mother’s enlightened values, revealing a lack of positive deeds and accomplishment when honestly considered—underscores personal failings to such an extent that at this time a certainty of karmic retribution can also be known. Yes, these guilt trips, besides just making us feel bad, if owned, can help us take stock and eventually ‘come clean,’ if only for the purpose to let go of the past built upon should’a, could’a, and would’a considerations.
Simply put, this is Buddhist renunciation; which, along with great devotion to the Triple Gem—the presence, source, and societal support of our future awakening—brings blessings and fulfillment.
Recently I’ve seen a certain something in this mirror, both limbed and limbless, a nonentity bereft of the three times; signless, wishless, uninstantiated. Only it, selfless and all giving, beyond all misleading marks of anything—the true Guru’s love—can I in every instant bow down to in good faith. For it’s at this time of supreme remembering, the bloated ‘I, me, mine’ is no more and the saturating bliss of suffering’s cessation greatly pleases all the mothers—dakas, dakinis, and vidydhara lovers.
29/6
The road to Haleshi, made safer and a bit straighter by the Jen-Han (Chinese), is a super highway compared to the road to Mustang and Muktinath. Once around the little airport at Jomson, Lower Mustang, the road has a lot of gravel patches and small torrents of water. At Gakbeni, one of the few stops I requested on the way to Muktinath, the gompa I was taken to turned out to be over 600 years old. Surprisingly, as I hadn’t heard the name ‘Gakbeni’ in over twenty years, there humbly stood an ancient Sakya Monastery. And within a treasure of equally old or older metal sculptures of the founding ‘Jetsun Gongma Nga’ (five Masters), Guru Rinpoche, Birwapa, Thangtong Gyalpo, and other deities in some extraordinary forms. Lama Ngawang Trinley reported on His Holiness Sakya Trinchen’s precious (pre-Covid era?) visits as well as Chögye Trichen’s early 90’s visits. To give some historical perspective, I gave a thumbnail history of Sakya, post-diaspora, starting from Mussoorie, Dehradun, then HH’s Trichen’s, Chögay Trichen Vajradhara, and Luding Ngorpa Vajradhara (the Sakya and two sub-sect heads’) trips to New York, Boston, Minnesota, etc.. Then, at his request, the lama and I took photos together, after which I made donations in dollars and rupees. Then we discussed Lamdre and Tengyur (long life prayers for HH Trichen’s) in Boudhanath, and Lam Dre in October—the program happening after HH’s birthday September 7th. Even then I was beginning to feel the strength of a powerful blessing gathering from having visited Gakbeni.
2/7
I felt strange indeed after visiting the ancient Sakya Monastery. It seemed on the drive up to the Grand Zambala Hotel at Muktinath, nestled in the village just below the legendary temple, we ascended several hundred meters very quickly, but I’m not sure we did. It also felt like I’d performed an authentic chöd and the top of my head had been lifted off. All phenomena then appeared an ‘inside creation’ or two-in-one mind projection. Checking into the hotel, it was all I could do just to get into my room, turn off the lights, and try to rest—and breathe. I was winded from the stairs and realized the air was much too thin for me. So I had to concentrate on my breathing, using breath control and conscious inhalation, once again like I had to do while at Pharphing and Haleși when I became winded climbing many stairs there. But in Lower Mustang, it was more than just thin air at 3,700 m. It was also the blessings of the Gurus, the Sakya Trichen, the Ngor head Luding Khenchen Vajradhara, and the T’sar-pa head, Vajradhara Chögaye Trichen—all former vajra masters of mine—refocusing my mind to the point of experiencing rolling vajra waves. Their Bodhicitta liquified everything, and when I walked into the hotel, quite literally, it was like swimming through a sea of phenomena.
6/7
Insta post text: “Cheek by jowl Sakya gompas—the new one from 1990's and the old one from 14-15th century—at Kagbeni (Lower Mustang). No photography allowed in the ancient gompa which houses equally old and older metallic images of lineal figures and tantric deities in unique forms. It's also filled with powerful blessings of the modern Sakya masters. Perhaps the number one pilgrimage destination for Sakyapa outside Sakya (‘white earth') in Tibet. Lama Ngawang Trinley in video took time out from football match to give us lengthy guided tour of both gompas. Voiceover prayers courtesy of Pema T’sal Sakya Monastic Institute, Pokhara (also sports enthusiasts), from this year's summer retreat.”
30/6
Text to Dany also in pain: “Right now I’m at an altitude where I can’t breathe. I have weak lungs. So for two hours I purified through samadhi and prayer. Now I’m breathing again. Tomorrow I will return to a lower altitude and be fine. It goes like that. All is mind and body at the same time. You must understand that and practice with great faith and determination to cure your own pain.”
10/7
When we were children we’d have contests to see how many pool laps we come swim under water without coming up for air. We would also time ourselves holding our breath and reach a minute and a half or more. (‘Punkin’s Rough Patch,’ chap. 6, Inkitt.) Concerning practicing vase retention for a recommended three minutes, that’s a long time, especially if nothing else is happening. What eventually can happen is the vajra body channels, veins, nadis, letters, and chakras, dilate or open—meaning interior airs still once the above ‘purities’ are successfully visualized—and this pacification mitigates the need to breath in external air. Really, this is the other half of the practice. With the opening or dilation of the vajra body chakras, and the appearance of the dead still purities, comes extreme elation, bliss, and the cessation of dreaded ‘impermanence’ insecurities. Also at this time, one might make a loud katsu or lion’s roar at the onset.
However, without the Gurus’ bestowal of his vajra body, blessed with the Bodhisattva’s commitment to deliver all beings from suffering, then breath control becomes just an exercise, like walking on fire or sleeping on nails. Fakirs are not necessarily yogins, and not being initiated into the Guru’s pith—the Bodhisattva’s Way and the vajra master’s subtle body, with its example of stilled inner airs and accompanying dilation of awareness—just prolongs the pointlessness of the above mentioned stunts we regularly performed as children. Repeated review of these basic techniques—even for those who’ve already authentically visualized the vajra body channels, veins, nadis, letters, and mandala chakras opening—are found replete in the Mahasiddha Gorkesnath’s writings, which in essence, are popularly found on line: “Kumbhaka [vase retention] is the retention of the breath in the yoga practice of pranayama. It has two types, accompanied (by breathing) whether after inhalation or after exhalation, and the ultimate aim unaccompanied. That state is kevala kumbhaka, the complete suspension of the breath for as long as the practitioner wishes.” (wiki.org)
A general note about diluted self-appraisal concerning one’s imagined level of accomplishment is due here. Review of basics until undisputed mastery of any Buddhist teachings and techniques is wise and especially applicable for these Hath yoga pranayama teachings found in the Highest Yoga tantra sadhanas, in conjunction with completion ‘heat’ yoga practices. Take it from me, I was always chomping at the bit to tear into completion or perfecting heat practices while still unaccomplished in the basics of pranayama and the creation stage—both vitally necessary to heat yoga (especially with chakras) accomplishment. Not getting ahead of oneself mitigates ignorance, arrogance, and pride.
On the other hand, speed in learning to become an adept is very important! One’s breath is obviously so important, epitomized in this saying on impermanence: Next breath; next life. Consider right now that one’s next breath might not come until one’s next life. What lies in between for the ‘unadapted’ could well be a terrifying experience in the bardo—or other negatives karmic rounds which only the Buddhas can predict.
From one’s first breath to last, all this can said to be one’s ‘Yogic Progression’—also known as ‘the bardo of this life’ or ‘the Natural Bardo’ (one of six bardo’s, or ‘gaps’)—with its fulfillment arc best completed within one lifetime (or better, in one breath!) Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche writes, “Each of the six bardos presents unique challenges and opportunities for the individual experiencing them. During the experience of each bardo, one’s goal is to recognize the true nature of reality and mind, avoid creating negative karma, and ultimately achieve liberation from the cycle of birth and death (samsara). During the bardos of dying, dharmata, and becoming, one’s consciousness is considered particularly open, providing an opportunity for liberation.” (lionsroar.com) So at this time, the competent practitioner (having previously received the highest consecration from the Vajra Master and, hopefully, mahamudra, powa, and bardo teachings as well), experiences the gross karmic air from the five senses dissolve as the five elements earth into water, water into fire, fire into air, and air into space, as the subtle airs (upon which rides mind) freely enter the central channel. As all sums up into the parent’s original red and white element, a bindu situated at the dying person’s heart, it then moves up out of the dissolving central channel, into the remaining head space where ground luminosity may present itself as white, red, and black lights, consciousnesses which further refine into clear light emptiness.
The adept, at this point, having rehearsed countless times unifying this example clear light with its ultimate compassionate nature—all the fully enlightened Buddhas and Bodhisattvas love for us—enters that.
20/3
Last night I was dreaming something about my previous wife, a Thai woman and very good friend whom I married to keep from deportation and possible incarceration in New your City. During our justice of the peace ceremony, I looked her squarely in the eyes and said the vows with a great conviction. And when it was time to kiss the bride it was thrilling but, tragically, it would be the first and only time outside of this dream. We never consummated that relationship due to a combination of physical and emotional disinterest on her part. Though I was disappointment because of my unqualified attraction to her, I always tried to honor the marriage beyond what it really was. I understood intuitively this was best for sustaining any kind of relationship. While this venture in legal circumvention was a sacrifice on many levels, in the end, nothing felt like it’d been a big problem. While ostensibly we married for a singular purpose, to solve her immigration problem, we also had slightly different agendas. Later, we legally divorced when it was possible and I accepted her steadfast gratitude as meritorious karma, and since it was my third marriage, felt I could use it. Over the last ten years we have sporadically kept in touch with a round or two of texts. But otherwise, that’s it. So, somewhat out of the blue, I had this dream she was lying next to me in bed and at long last it was time to kiss. The dream ended when I examined her mouth, noting her slender lips, similar to mine, thinking it was a good match. Because of my mouth and the beard I grew during a Hevajra retreat two years ago, and not having seriously kissed anybody since, I led with my tongue. That’s when a real dakini woman emanated in my ex’s place and the kissing became ecstatic. It was a first for me with my ex, who’d suddenly morphed into a dakini, and entirely fulfilled the promise of the third level of tantric engagement. 25/3
Just as “we don’t really die” (a revelation reported to me by my, at the time, recently deceased spiritual friend, Lotsawa Sonam Tenzin) we do go continuously through the wringer until released by purification of emotive and cognitive defilements. And, just as we can’t wholly own anything, for reasons conventional and ultimate, we can suffer terribly having had to first earn money to buy it, then struggle mightily to keep it, and then in the end lose it anyway. Realizations of the innate conate, or natural mind, the one that is ‘mind-in-itself’ or ‘mind-as-such’ or ‘mind-as-is,’ along with the bliss of clarity and emptiness, will later—after one’s karmic prerequisite amount of accumulations—manifest quite clearly in one’s Vajrasattva meditation while applying cleansing nectars. If one has a thought to come, one should think of the meditation consort and worship her fervently, wishing for her to have an orgasm instead. Then, after she comes up the chakras, into the head space and above, her concentration thrall explodes into insight. This is very unlike the shortcomings and forced endings of the uninitiated’s orgasm. In this way, the natural fruit of the conate is closer to ‘picking,’ though it always seems only to come of its own ‘non-volition,’ as it is nothing and everything at the same time. This is cessation and the full detachment. It’s for that result the Kapilitas (‘men who wear necklaces of skulls’) in ancient South India, places like Mysuru and Odisha, would boldly seek out a muni or brahmin and ask him for his head, using the ploy that as a holy person, they must be generous and comply—both parties prisoners of their supreme desire to realize the conate wisdom.
4/1
The acquisition of each language generates a default preference, a new defense for the ego, as well a deep psychological structuring, so that acquiring a second language necessitates a rigorous dismantling or ‘dethroning’ of this apparatus. ‘Total submersion’ into a new language, especially if it has a different alphabet and a host of unintuitive sounds, can be quite uncomfortable, engendering poor self-esteem, and extreme insecurities, like disorientation, confusion, and even paranoia, because of the stripping or dissolution of a powerful mental predisposition. During foreign language acquisition however many interesting psychological events also occur. For example, recently my K’mai partner’s sister, who has spent years trying kick her substance abuse problems, moved into our compound while I was continuing my pilgrimages in Nepal and India. A slight paranoia arose that while cleaning my room she may steal ritual objects. After finishing my sadhana there, I arose and walked outside. There she was, collecting some tenants’ rents, and cleaning out a room of a fly-by-night tenant who had skipped on theirs. She tried to make some comments in English to me but was clearly struggling. So I switched to K’mai language and then had the most fluent conversation in Cambodian I’d ever had. Also, the tension and paranoia completely disappeared. Communication is key in breaking emotional extremes. I suppose one of the tensions was we needed to talk on a more symmetrical level, and switching to her language did it. No longer was she a needy native person and me just some promising baarang she was hoping to tap for as much as possible—a constant source of concern for me here. However, for some people there appears to be little psychology involved, and their personality profile is usually of the high-achiever variety, with strong propensities of adventurism. Significantly, people with polymath abilities, demonstrated by translating and interpreting the Dharma into various languages, seem quite at home in the process. Such an overriding higher purpose, such as propagating the Buddha’s teachings, levels mere psychological processes and become ‘miracles’ of ego transcending attainments—all made infinitely more possible by petitioning the Guru.
14/1
KMT is a multilingual Vajra Master and author of over fifty publications. Most of those are his faithful translations from Sakyapa collections of Tantras and their sadhanas. But a handful of those also give his pith instructions upon the path. I’ve known Khenpo Migmar Tseten, I’m pretty sure, since the 1980 Lamdre Lob Shey in Purwala, Uttarakhand. I spoke with him at the 2018 Lamdre in Walden New York, and casually invited him to teach in the Theravada country of Cambodia where I’ve now lived for nine years. About a year ago, I started taking Zoom classes and doing one-year, time-limited retreats under Khenpo’s astute direction. He provides fresh translations for each tantric text we undertake, giving replete detailed oral instructions in English, Tibetan, and Sanskrit for our sadhana practices.
Just recently, I began seeing him—on my small iPhone screen—as the Buddha. When he speaks, his visage communicates an extraordinary vibrancy, an aura beyond that usually reserved for spiritual friends, family, and intimates. Unlike with them, his visage alone infinitely enhances my faith in the Dharma as if the Buddha himself were speaking to his first disciples, the ‘Hearers.’ While this is yet to be a stabilized experience, several times now I’ve entered a profound pacification and received his Dharma teachings (all via Zoom) in a deep calm abiding trance. For instance, during Vajrasattva recitation—a long slow, one or two mala’s worth—the Guru as Buddha appears to enter a profound pacification and then I too become completely immobilized, participating minimally in the ritual, just mostly listening, allowing single-pointed concentration to deepen and stabilize. This samadhi is sustain until just before closing torma offerings and dedications, which should be done along with him (and his assisting brother) as they contain necessary actions for propitiating the various deities in aid and protection for a successful life and Dharma practice. Further, this pacification allows, during the process of generating the deity, their purity supports (‘seats and celestial mansion’) and their supported (retinues and assemblies) to arise in authentic visualization out of a genuine ‘calm abiding’ meditation. The same is true with even greater results for the process of completion or perfecting, when heat yogas are coaxed to effortlessly arise. In fact, the two processes within this immobilized state merge more often because of the stabilized calm abiding.
This breakthrough, perceiving the Vajra Master leading, via Zoom, the meditation as the Buddha, I totally attribute to Khenpo-la’s tireless Dharma works—translating, meditating, and teaching—and all his Buddha-like teachers, most of whom his older students have also shared as root Gurus and Vajra Masters. This includes Sakya root teachers such as Chögay Trichen Vajradhara—‘the teacher of teachers’ whose high lama disciples, including His Holiness the Dalai Lama and other lineage holders, are too numerous to mention. I’m pretty sure as well our precious Khenpo Migmar Tseten considers His Holiness 41st Sakya Gongma Trichen a root teacher, and perhaps His Eminence Kunga Tenpa Nyima, Deshung Rinpoche III, as well. The latter ‘Saint of Seattle’ kindly bestowed refuge upon us, a few fortunate seekers in 1977 on the East Coast, due to a further kindness of the New York City dharma regent, polymath, and ‘interpreter extraordinaire,’ Douglas Rhoton Sonam Tenzin. Sonam-la, as we affectionately called him, was working at the time with Deshung Rinpoche at Stony Brook College in Long Island. Several texts he translated with Rinpoche there formed the liturgy of the first East Coast Sakya Center in New York City. During this time, they were both legends in their respective capacities. Both were Buddhist, Sanskrit, and Tibetan language, scholars. Both were realized practitioners—though we all felt Rinpoche was the actual Buddha—and now, regrettably, both seem somewhat forgotten in the post-millennial, internet influenced Tibetan Buddhist ‘scene.’ I feel a number of us owe those two, as well as the above teachers mentioned—adding Ngor Luding Khenchen Vajradhara to the list—the very existence of our Buddhist refuge. But now, out of those contemporary Sakya Masters, only His Holiness Sakya Trichen 41st, retired due to advanced age, continues, out of the greatest kindness to adherents, to teach in this world.
Who then is Khenpo Migmar Tseten? If you don’t know, then please Google him. And I sincerely hope you find as well the actual Buddha, like a number of us have, through his authentic, deep and detailed, multileveled Dharma teachings.
END
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